Welcome to my journal! I use this space to capture my thoughts and experiences from day to day, and for special events and activities in my life. I share these thoughts because down the road I’d like my children and grandchildren to know a little more about their Dad and Pop-Pop. I also like to share insights gained from my life experiences in the hope that readers can learn, take heart, and share their own thoughts and ideas on these pages. Encouraging, constructive, and sharing comments are welcome! Dissent is also welcome as long as it is civil, polite, and constructive, with the caveat that shaming, hateful, and other rude and insensitive comments will not be tolerated.
20231126 – Hi Elsie!
I was washing the breakfast dishes this morning and all of a sudden, there she was, my three and a half year old granddaughter Elsie Rose, just watching and expecting a conversation. So I told her about how excited I was for Christmas, when her cousins would be here having fun and opening presents. I told her a little about her aunt and uncle, and about how excited the whole family is to be sharing Christmas with her Mom and Dad and Meema and PopPop. And I told her how sad I was that she wasn’t with us but how happy I was that she was in a beautiful and loving place with Jesus. And then she danced away, and I was reminded of just how much I missed the granddaughter I never met.
Grief pops up at the strangest times and places, and in the strangest ways. I’m learning to accept it however it appears, and realize that it never ends, it just diminishes and becomes a part of you over time. I’m learning to accept these little moments when they happen, always with a few tears, knowing that we’ll finally get to meet some day down the road, for the first time.
From your PopPop … hugs, kisses, and Merry Christmas, Elsie Rose!
20231107 – Steve
Steve is a “little while friend”. The term harkens back to a book my daughter read many years ago about friendship and long term versus little while friends, those we meet and become close to for a short time, like on a camping trip or at summer camp. We met after a summer concert at Cannonsburg Ski Area back in … Continue reading →
20230929 – Connections
Here we are again, you and me, in the wee small hours of the morning. It’s almost 4:00 and I haven’t been able to sleep much; worrying about my friends and my neighbors tonight just leaves me unable to clear my head and sink into the comfort of a deep sleep.
Continue reading →20230824 – Passages, Moving Forward
Forgive me for another bout of dexsomniac post-midnight musings! Such is my life lately, these now weekly 40 hour stretches of sleeplessness, but I’m actually figuring out how to exploit them with more writing and working on my model railroad. Last Wednesday night after DJ went to bed I actually got in nearly seven hours of track laying and wiring … Continue reading →
20230810 – Why Am I Here?
“The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain I noticed this quote in the Daily Inspiration section of the Music Choice Soundscapes channel screen in the wee small hours of the morning (I love that phrase) during another Dexsomnia (part of my chemotherapy regimen … Continue reading →
20230713 – Playing the Long Game with Cancer
Deep in the grip of another dexsomnia night (see my previous posts) while watching YouTube model railroad videos and occasionally helping a semi-insomniac grandson (probably triggered by excessive late night screen time), I began pondering again, a typical and frequent activity for me as you all know, and that led me to the subject for this post.
Continue reading →20230518 – Another Dexsomnia Night, Rediscovering Me
Here we are again after 4:00 in the morning and I’m still wide awake, but I think I’m getting used to it. I don’t feel tired the next day and I usually sleep pretty well the next night, so I guess it’s just another part of the new normal developing while I’m on this immunotherapy regimen for the next five … Continue reading →
20230511 – Where Do I Go from Here?
Well, here I am, in the wee small hours of the morning, about 4:15 AM, in the middle of my current bout with what I call dexsomnia, a steroid induced insomnia that I deal with weekly for about 36 hours, as a part of my current cancer treatment regimen three and a half months after my diagnosis. And I’m wondering, … Continue reading →