Somehow the endless string of snow days, single digit temperatures, and sub-zero wind chills in our little corner of the world give one license to leave the doors closed and the car in the garage, slip into fleece-lined sweats, light a fire in the fireplace, and cocoon under a warm blanket with a good book and a steaming mug of hot dark chocolate. A DVD movie marathon is another fun way to withdraw from the world; after all, how often is there enough time in a day to watch the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy, extended edition/director’s cuts?

Make it a nice little mini-vacation, the snow is just a good excuse to play hooky like we used to do as kids. Board games or cards with your family or significant other, or experiment with some new recipes and get the oven going for extra warmth; there are a few other ideas for you. Or you could just burrow into the mountain of indoor white stuff (yes, unfiled and extraneous paper) that’s been collecting on your office floor and desk for the last six months. After all, it’s tax time and you may just need a few of those receipts and other documents some time before April 15^th.

The result of my efforts is a clear path to the closet and the front window, enough space to open a file drawer, and sufficient clear space on my desk to hold two phones, a mug of cold water, and two stacks of current work files. A secondary benefit is a sense of relief, peace, and reduced stress. I guess what they say is true, reducing clutter reduces stress.

The neat thing about an exercise like this is you get to reflect and recollect. While going through the digital detritus of my life and work I came across this letter to my son. Kind of reminds me of a few things maybe I haven’t been doing so well lately.

• Have fun, be spontaneous, look for reasons to say yes every time you can, whether you want to or not.  Be open to letting things happen and enjoying them.  A chance to visit relatives – do it; a dinner out – do it; a game of cards – do it!

• Fully engage!  Do not let yourself get distracted. The times that I remember most happily, clearly and completely are those times that I was living in the moment; I was in the zone (your birth, your sister’s birth, my wedding day, our extended vacation). Too often, I have not given my full attention to the conversation with you, your sister, or your mother. When you don’t look at me, you’re not fully engaged. I still make that mistake to this day, and your mother does too.

• Never, ever violate her trust or even appear to; it can lead to emotional insecurity extremely harmful to your marriage. Do what you promise, and don’t give wrong impressions.

On Communication:

• Make it extensive, don’t hold back, no silent treatment, no sarcasm, no personally hurtful comments, do not assume anything – say it, discuss how you communicate, understand that sometimes when she wants your opinion she may be more interested in validating hers, learn to recognize those situations and give her what she needs

• Look at her, don’t look away, respect her enough to respond, even when you don’t want to engage; ignorance may be bliss but ignoring is disrespectful and hurtful

• Always tell the truth, even little white lies lead to webs of deceit

• Tell her about your needs and wants, your joys and fears, don’t make her guess

• Arguments, have them but fight fair and don’t go to bed angry – agree to disagree if you have to but validate that your relationship is solid, it’s the issue that you’re focused on

On Finance:

• Women usually need more financial security than men, it’s the mothering instinct

• Don’t let her feel insecure

• Do what you must that’s legal and moral and honest to financially support your family

• Do not assume she will want to be the breadwinner just because she has the better job, talk about it and set clear expectations of each other

On Personal Performance:

• Procrastination aggravates problems, it doesn’t solve them

• Do not assume; seek first to understand, then to be understood

• People are people, and not necessarily stupid (at least not all of the time)

• Nothing is as scary as you make it out to be

• The world will not end if you fail

• The world will not end if what you do isn’t perfect

• Glorious mistakes are often more satisfying than perfection

This snowy winter day it was nice to be reminded that I occasionally write things that make sense. Not bad advice in this little epistle; perhaps I should heed it a little more often…Pops